ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
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My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
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i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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