If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
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The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
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I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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