i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
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There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
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Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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