I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
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All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
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I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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