i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize