So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize