hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
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Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
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