I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
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It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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