She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize