k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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