Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
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they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
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I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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