her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
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Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
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It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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