can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
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its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
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I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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