this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
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so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize