i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
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She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
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I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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