I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
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Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
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And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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