I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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