Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
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He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
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My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
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