im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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