sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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