Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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