I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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