You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
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I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize