I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize