haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
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I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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