why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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