My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
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Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
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I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
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