the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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