Sacagawea was the original milf.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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