If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
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I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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