so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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