he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You left your underwear on the fireplace
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I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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