do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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