I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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