oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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