i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
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I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
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The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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