we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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