Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
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She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
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I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize