i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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