I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
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For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
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Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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