the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
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He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
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FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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