What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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