Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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