The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
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as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
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I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize