I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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