your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize