You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
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Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
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How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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