Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
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he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We were destined to go to rehab together
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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