Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
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His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
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I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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