even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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